membrane of the heart

membrane of the heart

Like a film between the night and day
where full formed lines arise from sleep
peeled from the dreamy mind, complete
The membrane of a woman’s heart
holds delicately her sweet love’s art.
Its tenderness you can’t repair
when careless words have caused a tear.

Now silence hangs between the two
like petal caught with morning dew.

But membranes like a veil so fine
turns chrysalis with passing time
Then emerges a vision fresh:
They two entwined in breath and hush.

t.w.c.

This poem was first written a few years ago. One early morning I awoke with the first four lines appearing in my conscious mind as if peeled from a membrane between the sleeping and waking world. My mind made a connection between that membrane and the delicate membrane of the heart’s most tender feelings. This half-asleep state is a magical place of creation. That moment left an indelible mark on my being.

The original poem, below, ends with a reprimand. It’s message steers far from the intention in the opening lines. It needed changing.

Let Love be Gentle

Your harshness drives her love away:

Like a film between the night and day

where full-formed words arise from sleep

peeled from the dreamy mind complete

The membrane of a woman’s heart

holds delicately her sweet love’s art

It’s tenderness you can’t repair

when careless words have caused a tear

So fairy tread on girl and child

Let love be gentle, words be mild.

Tears in relationships can always be repaired – where there’s a will and love to fuel it. Hearts harden when things go sour; but husks can serve a purpose. Reminding myself of that moment, that membrane between sleeping and waking, containing delicate words and feelings, I returned to the poem. I liked the change. No, let me be honest here: I loved it. Except the last line.

Now silence hangs between the two

like petal caught with morning dew

But membranes like a veil so fine

turn chrysalis with passing time

Then emerges a vision fresh:

They two are undulating in delicacy’s breast

I didn’t like ‘undulating.’ Nor ‘delicacy’s breast.’ I changed it to ‘they two entwined in breath and hush.’

Membrane of the heart

Like a film between the night and day

where full-formed words arise from sleep

peeled from the dreamy mind complete

The membrane of a woman’s heart

holds delicately her sweet love’s art

It’s tenderness you can’t repair

when careless words have caused a tear

Now silence hangs between the two

like petal caught with morning dew

But membranes like a veil so fine

turn chrysalis with passing time

Then emerges a vision fresh:

They two entwined in breath and hush

I’d love to hear what you think? Has the ending landed now? Or do you think it could still do with more thought?